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Railroad Bill And The Kitten
Railroad Bill and the Kitten
SOURCE'S SOURCE: Andy Breckman
TEXT:
Railroad Bill was a hard livin' man
He used to take his women two at a time
Everyone agreed he was the baddest engineer
That'd ever driven down the Santa Fe line
His name was known from the folks back home
To the tippy-top of telegraph hill
And all the little boys, when they were sneakin' cigarettes
They used to dream about the Railroad Bill
[SPOKEN: Stay with me here
One day Bill was walkin' along
And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
To set that kitty-cat free
And Bill said, "No, ain't gonna do it
Ain't gonna climb up no tree
This is a stupid, stupid song and no folksinger's
Gonna make a fool outa me."
I said, one day Bill was walkin' along
And he saw a kitten stuck in a tree
When he saw what was the matter he ran to get a ladder
To set that kitty-cat free
And Bill said, "No, ain't gonna do it
Ain't gonna do what you said
This is an asinine song. As far as I'm concerned
That cat can stay there till it's dead."
I said, wait a minute, Bill, you can't argue with me
For God's sake, I just made you up
I got the pen in my hand, I want you up in that tree
I want that cat unstuck
Bill said, "No, I hate cats
Ain't gonna climb for no cat."
He said, "Why don't you have me save some beautiful girl
Whos's been tied down on the railroad track?"
I said maybe there'll be room in the eighth or ninth verse
But right now I want you up in that tree
I'm the writer, God damn, I got the pen in my hand
And you're supposed to listen to me
He said, "You asshole. Why should I listen to you
You should be listenin' to me instead."
He said, "I'm a railroad man and if I was real
I would separate your face from your head."
You ungrateful brute, I cried, you push me too far
I gotta show you I can do as I please
So an earthquake came and it shook the whole terrain
And it brought Railroad Bill to his knees
And then a tidal wave broke and everything got soaked
And Bill was almost completely washed away
And then a big green monster from the planet Neptune
Landed and bit Railroad Bill on the leg
I got the pen in my hand. I can do what I want
I'm a bright new young talent on the rise
So get your ass up that tree or I swear you ain't
Gonna get outa my folksong alive
He said, "You don't scare me.
You might be crazy but you don't scare me
And if you don't leave me alone I'm gonna tell everybody
Where you stole this melody."
But before he could speak his tongue fell out
And he could not make a sound
Suddenly he jumped on top of me and he grabbed me by the
Neck
And he pulled me to the ground
And he hit me in the stomach, and he hit me in the face real
Hard
And I think he almost broke my nose
But just then a lightning bolt came outa nowhere, hit him
Right between the
[eyes
And killed him instantly
[Heh, heh
Well the cat came down from the tree
Had a bowl of warm milk, went to sleep for the night
Railroad Bill is survived by a wife and three small children
Dear God, I love to write
@outlaw @animal
Filename[RRBILLKT
RPf
===DOCUMENT BOUNDARY===
And I was born dead in your home
Watching TV mum you're welcome
Into my car smelling pudding morphina
Wearing my elesses you should come
And eat all pets you could find
Between my sick teeth of monkey town
My sick brain
Is leaving my hand
My sick brain
Is squeezing my name
My feet are smelling beer and bread
My nose gives funk rhythm to them
Between my big balls of business man
And I was Learning in my bed
When you told me you were drunk
Thank you fucking pudding morphina
And I'm fucking on Madonna
And I'm fucking on Sri Lanka
And I'm boring of your face
I'm still wearing your dress
In my room of Bambi Buddha
In my room of Bambi Buddha
And I was born in morphina
I had to learn to breath and swim
Into my glass of hospital
I'll send you stolen flowers
By UPS car in your bath
At Thiry six cuckold avenue
My sick brain
Is leaving my hand
My sick brain
Is sqeezing my name
And I was born in morphina
I had to learn to breath and swin
Into my glass of hospital